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Mischief's avatar
Mischief
  • Family
  • Romance
  • Teen
thehgirl13's avatar
thehgirl13
  • Drama
  • Family
  • Romance
SheWrites's avatar
SheWrites
  • Diary
  • Family
  • Mystery
Caleb Pirtle III's avatar
Caleb Pirtle III
  • Literary
  • Family
  • Non-fiction
  • Sheepyblue avatar

    Poignant story, well written and the emotion is conveyed well.

Epic F. Awesomesauce's avatar
Epic F. Awesomesauce
  • Family
  • Romance
  • Spiritual
  • Epic F. Awesomesauce avatar

    Pia Lou Yeah, sorry, I didn't edit or proofread or anything, I was just sort of sick of looking at it.

thenotsosecretpoet's avatar
thenotsosecretpoet
  • Children's
  • Family
  • Poetry
  • jeff mantel avatar

    Nice snapshot thenotsosecretpoet, think there is room to expand on this

  • Joey T avatar

    Very short, but I'm sure we can all relate! haha!

thenotsosecretpoet's avatar
thenotsosecretpoet
  • Children's
  • Family
  • Poetry
  • jeff mantel avatar

    Lovely nostalgic writing thenotsosecretpoet

Redheaded_Dancer's avatar
Redheaded_Dancer
  • Diary
  • Comedy
  • Family
  • Amber Meyer avatar

    Haha, this is a wonderful story! Thanks for sharing :)

Redheaded_Dancer's avatar
Redheaded_Dancer
  • Diary
  • Family
  • Teen
  • Joey T avatar

    Very emotional and well written - it does need to be broken down into smaller chunks, but I guess that's just my personal taste. Well done!

  • Redheaded_Dancer avatar

    Thanks, Jeff, I'm glad that this has been as effective as I wanted it to be :)

Jay Duret's avatar
Jay Duret
  • Comedy
  • Family
  • Teen
  • Jay Duret avatar

    Thanks all for perceptive comments. I fixed up the hermit issues and street issues and that section reads much better.

Melanie Jean Juneau's avatar
Melanie Jean Juneau
  • Comedy
  • Family
  • Spiritual
eLoy's avatar
eLoy
  • Family
  • Teen
  • Poetry
  • Joey T avatar

    Very touching and obviously comes from the heart - thanks for sharing!

  • jeff mantel avatar

    Touching piece eLoy although the rhythm is a little off in places, as is the grammar

  • Hannah Marie avatar

    Lovely poem eLoy. You express your point well.

oliviarosenthall's avatar
oliviarosenthall
  • Alternative
  • Drama
  • Family
  • Joey T avatar

    Very imaginative - the sudden shifts in the plot can be a bit confusing at times but it is a very innovative piece of writing!

Liz Smith's avatar
Liz Smith
  • Comedy
  • Family
  • Romance
  • Joey T avatar

    I think it could be cut down a little bit (maybe down to 6 or 7 pages), but it's a great story with great potential. Thank you for sharing.

  • Liz Smith avatar

    Hannah Marie Yay! Thanks for your comment! Glad you liked my story :)

Redheaded_Dancer's avatar
Redheaded_Dancer
  • Literary
  • Family
  • jeff mantel avatar

    Poignant story Redheaded_Dancer, not sure you need the dates to signify when each part is set though

Odin Roark's avatar
Odin Roark
  • Family
  • Poetry
  • jeff mantel avatar

    More dynamic prose poetry Odin Roark

  • Jenny-Rose avatar

    Lovely piece to read. Very original and unique idea and very well-written.

B. B. Sue's avatar
B. B. Sue
  • Diary
  • Family
  • Non-fiction
  • Joey T avatar

    Very emotionally driven and well written, thanks for sharing!

  • LianneGraziella avatar

    A well written piece again B. B. Sue. Was very sad to read.

  • jeff mantel avatar

    A sad piece but very well written B. B. Sue

  • B. B. Sue avatar

    Claire LeBear, thank you. Nice to see you like it :)

  • Claire LeBear avatar

    Such a lovely and sad tale. I may not be a critic or anything of the sort, but I think this story is just so beautifully written...

Patrick Slevin's avatar
Patrick Slevin
  • Literary
  • Drama
  • Family
Blaize Goh's avatar
Blaize Goh
  • Alternative
  • Family
  • Sci-fi
Otessa Ghadar's avatar
Otessa Ghadar
  • Literary
  • Drama
  • Family
  • jeff mantel avatar

    Great conceit and characters Otessa Ghadar, will you be sharing more soon?

  • Joey T avatar

    Thanks for sharing this - I can see why is was recommended!

  • Stephanie Ellis avatar

    A well-written and engaging and original story that kept me hooked to the end. I really enjoyed it.

D.R. Law's avatar
D.R. Law
  • Literary
  • Drama
  • Family
  • D.R. Law avatar

    Pia Lou Thank you. Glad you enjoyed it and thanks for the follow.

Jacob Arbuckle's avatar
Jacob Arbuckle
  • Drama
  • Family
  • Romance
  • jeff mantel avatar

    Interesting piece Jacob Arbuckle, although I too would like to know a little more about the characters

Amber Meyer's avatar
Amber Meyer
  • Diary
  • Family
  • Horror
  • Tom Baker avatar

    Interesting stuff, the paragraph stuffed with phone companies stood out a bit though Amber Meyer

  • Joey T avatar

    Very powerful writing - thanks for sharing!

Elizabeth Larsen's avatar
Elizabeth Larsen
  • Children's
  • Family
  • Teen
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