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Odin Roark's avatar
Odin Roark
  • Literary
  • Drama
  • Poetry
Paul Breen's avatar
Paul Breen
  • Literary
  • Drama
  • Poetry
  • Sheepyblue avatar

    Interesting poem, nice imagery and I enjoyed your structure

Jim Wilde's avatar
Jim Wilde
  • Comedy
  • Drama
Jim Wilde's avatar
Jim Wilde
  • Crime
  • Drama
  • Mystery
morriss003's avatar
morriss003
  • Drama
  • Teen
  • Sci-fi
Minx's avatar
Minx
  • Drama
  • Fantasy
  • Spiritual
Dave Swinyard's avatar
Dave Swinyard
  • Adventure
  • Drama
  • Thriller
TheateroftheObscene's avatar
TheateroftheObscene
  • Alternative
  • Drama
morriss003's avatar
morriss003
  • Drama
  • Teen
  • Sci-fi
Joseph Wilson's avatar
Joseph Wilson
  • Literary
  • Drama
  • Spiritual
  • Dave Swinyard avatar

    I liked the descriptive form of writing. It painted a clear picture in my minds eye.

  • Joey T avatar

    Great stuff -you describe the setting very well Joseph Wilson. And it's just the right length!

Matt Black's avatar
Matt Black
  • Literary
  • Drama
  • Fantasy
  • Matt Black avatar

    Joey T :)

  • Joey T avatar

    Thanks for sharing this - looking forward to future works!

Ivy Devi's avatar
Ivy Devi
  • Drama
  • Romance
  • Teen
  • LianneGraziella avatar

    Ivy Devi, I really enjoyed reading this. Great stuff.

  • livelaughlove avatar

    So is one a girl and the other a boy?

  • Ivy Devi avatar

    Pia Lou and thank you very much ^-^

  • Ivy Devi avatar

    Pia Lou I might do that!

  • Pia Lou avatar

    Great teen lit! Are you going to make it a longer piece?

Joseph Wilson's avatar
Joseph Wilson
  • Literary
  • Drama
  • Teen
Zachary Loya's avatar
Zachary Loya
  • Alternative
  • Drama
  • Sci-fi
Valormore DE Plume's avatar
Valormore DE Plume
  • Drama
  • Horror
  • Thriller
  • jeff mantel avatar

    Even better in its expanded form Valormore DE Plume

TurnOffTheLights's avatar
TurnOffTheLights
  • Adventure
  • Drama
  • Teen
  • jeff mantel avatar

    Great narrative voice TurnOffTheLights, and quite the cliffhanger; when can we expect more?

Odin Roark's avatar
Odin Roark
  • Literary
  • Drama
  • Non-fiction
writergeorge's avatar
writergeorge
  • Crime
  • Drama
  • Thriller
J. W. Johnstone's avatar
J. W. Johnstone
  • Alternative
  • Drama
  • Mystery
  • Pia Lou avatar

    Some great ideas in here J. W. Johnstone ! The length and pace of your piece is perfect!

  • J. W. Johnstone avatar

    Thanks jeff mantel. I'll take that on board

Molly Glover's avatar
Molly Glover
  • Drama
  • Mystery
  • Romance
writergeorge's avatar
writergeorge
  • Crime
  • Drama
  • Thriller
Lisamarie Lamb's avatar
Lisamarie Lamb
  • Alternative
  • Literary
  • Drama
Peter Nunis's avatar
Peter Nunis
  • Literary
  • Drama
  • Non-fiction
  • Pia Lou avatar

    Moving story, Peter Nunis. The old man's life and perspective were very touching!

  • jeff mantel avatar

    An interesting, sad character Peter Nunis. Is rather in need of a proofread, however.

Victoria Keeble's avatar
Victoria Keeble
  • Drama
  • Romance
  • Thriller
  • jeff mantel avatar

    Some good writing and dialogue Victoria Keeble

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