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I live beneath a gym and all I can hear is the thumping of the treadmills above. Sometimes it develops into a constant hum as people rise and fall in unison. They’re forever running. Day after day. Running and running. Up and down and up and down. Sweating. Panting. Drooling. And yet they never go anywhere. They never move. Ever. But then neither do I. I haven’t left the flat for a couple of months now. It started when I lost my job. My manager caught me looking at pictures of Amber Heard naked and told me it wasn’t the right thing to do at work, but I couldn’t see what was wrong with it. She was perfect. Then he told me she was a lesbian and I lost my temper. The image of Amber on my cock was gone and if he was right, I’d never get it back. It would never be the same again. I got home that night and tried to find out whether it was true. I searched her up on the net and read about her in the news. It was true. She was a lesbian. So I started doing some research into how much it would cost to get a sex change but it was too expensive and I would have to go through therapy and try and live like a woman for a year or some shit like that. I didn’t really want to be a woman. I just wanted to fuck one.
Then I found out Johnny Depp had just bought her a horse. He’d split up with his wife and bought the Heard a horse. A fucking Horse. She’d stayed on his yacht and examined his fingers and now she was a lesbian with a horse and Johnny’s promise of better sex by penis. Maybe that’s what the horse was for. Fuck knows. They’re all crazy. But