Congratulations Adrian
Jacob ushers me into the living room, flapping as I brush one of the children's scribbled artworks stuck to the door. He indicates to the sofa and then vacates the room. I blink, the lurid green colour scheme perhaps just as shocking as the phone call that morning. I take a seat, mindful of the garish pink cushions that litter the sofa. The room puts one in mind of some sort of sickly boiled sweet as opposed to the calm, relaxing area a living room is supposed to provide.
I spend a moment musing into the compulsory cup of tea that was thrust upon me the moment I got through the door. I think of their tea, one half empty cup, the other full, both the temperature of death in those bone china cups inherited from Auntie Ilene. This cup has a chip in the handle, and I hear your voice Ma, Jacob, honestly! You could have done yourself better. Any woman who gives a guest a broken cup is not worth your efforts.
So busy staring into the sloppy brown substance I have come to despise, I fail to notice the woman entering the room. It's only when she comes to a halt behind the sofa that I acknowledge her presence and turn around. Her mouth sets into a cold, firm line.
'Jacob,' she bellows 'You never said he would be here.'
I briefly look her up and down, getting a blur of red and brown dreadlocks, shark tooth necklace, star tattoo, green vest top and too tight jeans. She's wearing a leather jacket with a huge flapping collar and clumpy black boots made of a sheeny, shiny, plasticy mess.
These items of clothing are what I like to call money munching monsters – excuse the name-
I spend a moment musing into the compulsory cup of tea that was thrust upon me the moment I got through the door. I think of their tea, one half empty cup, the other full, both the temperature of death in those bone china cups inherited from Auntie Ilene. This cup has a chip in the handle, and I hear your voice Ma, Jacob, honestly! You could have done yourself better. Any woman who gives a guest a broken cup is not worth your efforts.
So busy staring into the sloppy brown substance I have come to despise, I fail to notice the woman entering the room. It's only when she comes to a halt behind the sofa that I acknowledge her presence and turn around. Her mouth sets into a cold, firm line.
'Jacob,' she bellows 'You never said he would be here.'
I briefly look her up and down, getting a blur of red and brown dreadlocks, shark tooth necklace, star tattoo, green vest top and too tight jeans. She's wearing a leather jacket with a huge flapping collar and clumpy black boots made of a sheeny, shiny, plasticy mess.
These items of clothing are what I like to call money munching monsters – excuse the name-
Halilou styzle Thanks, glad you like it
Interesting story, I like it :)
Sabine Shah Thanks
Sheepyblue Makes brief and exact sense. Good job.
Alexandra Neon Thank you, glad you enjoyed it
Aloof but amusing, I like how you don't delve too far into their relationship; opens it up to interpretation until the end where it gives the final 'punch' line the comedic effect you were aiming for! Superb!
Very nicely written. I also am having trouble replying to comments, so thank you very much for the one you left.
Melanie Jean Juneau Thank you ;D
love your British dry wit and understated humour
Christina Ar Thank you ;D,
I like the chatty, informal writing style, and the characters too. Could go somewhere interesting!
Nice writing, descriptive images, although I liked to know more about the relationship of the characters, I feel like is a bit vague. However, your writing is really good and your story presents something new, at least for me!
Frangipani Thank you ;D
I like these stories without a complete resolution. I like the ending. It would take too long to come to a resolution besides I think it's better left up to the reader. In my opinion the ending you have is a resolution of sorts to the story and it leaves the reader satisfied with an idea that the family reunion is probably going to be a slightly dysfunctional one but interesting.
Robert Tucker Thanks, I will try to rework the ending soon ;D
Paramitha Thank you ;D
I recommend this to the Staff Picks section!
Haha. This is a great little sketch. Really awesome. I think it ended just a little bit too soon though, since there was no resolution, it would be nice to get even a hint of them becoming friends again.
Hi, I enjoyed this thanks. The conversational style is easy to read and fits the character well, and there are good injections of humour. The line, 'And I'm not sure who I expected to find either; the 18-year-old girl who left me, I suppose' is very affecting. A great 'taster' and I'm looking forward to reading more.